For years when people asked me what my comfort food was I told them Chinese Take Out.
I thought that was my answer. So I answered it thusly.
Then I got asked why I found that comforting?
No, no, you wanted to know what my comfort food was. And comfort food means stuff you remember from childhood, right?
Think about it Melanie, not everything you had in childhood was enjoyable, or enjoyed indeed.
Well, I was a bit spoiled, so I was never really given food I didn't like.
So, if you like, everything I had a as a child was comfort food.
No, you aren't getting it, it's a specific thing associated with happy memories.
Well, you've got me there then. All my childhood memories are happy memories. Not that I associate food with any of them.
So, off I went on a different tack.
Comfort. I know what comfort is, it's the opposite of discomfort.
Therefore it's food I enjoy. That's a long list.
No, you're still not getting it, it's food that makes you feel good.
I only eat food that makes me feel good. Why the fuck would I eat food that doesn't make me feel good?
You're being difficult.
I'm being honest.
You know very well what comfort means.
Actually, I'm not sure that I do. I thought I did. This chair is comfortable. It doesn't hurt. This shirt is comfortable, it's not too tight and it has no itchy label! So comfortable doesn't mean that?
No, you're really being difficult, I'm annoyed now.
Hey, you started this. Not me.
Maybe I just have a different approach to pleasure and non-pleasure. I'm all for pleasure. It feels like sanity.
But too much pleasure can be pain. That's why I don't over-eat. That makes me uncomfortable. I hear about people who say "Oh God, I'm so stuffed". That isn't pleasant. That's fucking stupid. So I don't do it. Sorry about the logic, but I don't like being uncomfortable. Same applies to everything. Tight shoes are uncomfortable so I don't wear them. Hats are uncomfortable so I don't wear them. Long sleeves annoy me so unless I'm freezing, I wear short sleeves or push my sleeves up. I could come up with a really, really long list of things that are uncomfortable, aka things I avoid. And if I'm cold, I'm very uncomfortable. So I avoid being cold. Yes, I'm like that.
And as for food, I simply don't eat food that isn't delicious. Why would I?
Listen, I am overweight. I'm not a barrel but I'm a lot fatter than I need to be. It's genetics and there's fuck all I can do about it other than starve myself, and that's not going to happen. See comments on pleasure.
At the same time, I don't NEED extra calories. I'm not starving, I don't have any need to eat "whatever - it's food". So, I don't eat things I don't enjoy. This seems logical to me. If all that is available is not delicious, I will just skip eating. I have fat reserves. Trust me, I'll be fine. If the bun on the burger is nasty (they mostly are) I'll just eat the fillings. If the pizza crust is plain (usually) I'll leave it.
So, as I have meandered into that topic, I may as well continue. Here's what I eat on a typical day.
For breakfast on weekdays I have half a grapefruit, a slice of toast (buttered), and two egg yolks. And a glass of water. Not juice. I'm not a juice lover. If you put a glass of orange or grapefruit juice in front of me (no other) I'd drink it, but I don't bother. I don't drink milk, I don't drink coffee or tea. Give me water. Yes, cold. Yes, first thing in the morning. Because that's what I enjoy. (On weekends, add a sausage. To the meal - not to the water, silly.)
This requires more detail due to the topic at hand. I have my grapefruit without sugar added, because I have an underdeveloped sweet tooth. This is therefore a very health conscious way to start the day. BWHAHAHA. No. I eat it because I enjoy it. If I didn't enjoy it, I wouldn't eat it, and if I had a sweet tooth, I'd add sugar.
I have my toast buttered because there's no fucking way in hell I am eating unbuttered toast. And I insist it is buttered all the way to the edges. And I don't eat the heel of the loaf because I don't like it. And I eat only the egg yolks because I don't like the white. (Are you getting the idea yet?)
These are fried eggs. It doesn't matter that they are fried BTW, oh judgemental reader, because the yolk doesn't come in contact with the fat it's cooked in. Sunny side up (still runny, just how I like it).
For lunch I have a wrap. Tortilla, chipotle mayo, some meat or fish, cheese, and whatever veggies are available. If we're out of tortillas I have a sandwich. I could just have a salad, and sometimes I do, but I'm not going to turn into a supermodel from one less tortilla a day, so fuck it.
For dinner I have whatever. A small portion - I don't have a large appetite. A child size portion is fine. I like my plate to be 50% veggies. That's preference, not virtue. No dessert. I don't bother with dessert.
I don't snack.
I refuse to eat less than this. I don't consider it excessive, actually.
I remain overweight.
Therefore, as I clearly don't need the calories, eating things I don't enjoy is illogical.
And I have no intention of not enjoying my food by taking out all the good bits (butter, cheese, meat, mayo).
QED: EVERY FUCKING THING I EAT IS COMFORT FOOD. It keeps me comfortable. Not hungry and not stuffed. Comfortable.
I am not stupid. I know that's not what it means. I just don't do comfort the way you do comfort. You do it your way, I'm fine.